Hurry Up and Die

I just know I'm going to save the money I need to leave Vancouver because these people around here make me suffer so much that I need to leave as mere matter of survival. Yesterday, for instance, as I was waiting to cross the street outside the central branch of the library, a stranger assaulted me with the words, look, it's a seagull. I noticed that he was young. Yes, youth think they are natural when they are only boorish and rude. And it looked like he had a girlfriend. Yes, women submit from weakness rather than from love. I still think she'd be better off alone. And are we sure this put-down came from him? Does he want to be himself or is he imitating someone else, in order to be hip? Probably the latter. And why is it hip to bash me in the street? Isn't that sadistic? Not if you think that so many stars ripping off all my web posts is a cause for celebration, I guess, like they do on TV and the radio here and especially out on Goldie Hawn's privileged side of town, among the snotty has-beens who refuse to step down from the stage. They all want to boast of their associations with Mick Jagger, eh? Just twelve? Did the Rolling Stones steal twelve of my songs? They made me star by doing that, right? Do all these superstars ever make a star out of anyone but me? I wonder why not. Speaking of acting cool to have friends, I'm quite happy to be alone. I would be depressed to have a friend like this character. There are too many witless fools like that in the world and that's why I'm alone. Even having to think about them depresses me, but having to associate with them would likely kill me. And I do not want to belong to a large crowd of transparently imitating conformists. I can't imagine what our government is trying to accomplish by putting youths in classrooms with their peers except to prepare them for a life in the armed forces. And by the time schools are finished crushing the individual charm of each student, we are left with such unpleasant graduates that being blown apart on a battlefield is all they are really good for. Who's prancing around with music or comedy stolen from my account today? I don't get any views or comments to let me know anything, but since a lot of this work went from my account to the TV and radio in front of your eyes, you would certainly have a better idea than I would - especially when you don't flag the offender. I have no views and no comments and I must report violations from sheer intuition to get anyone to take action against the offenders. Isn't that a little unreasonable? And what's so hard about keeping an eye on my copyright? Who else do they need to protect on the web? Who else is getting their music and comedy constantly stolen? No one wants to steal from Justin Beiber or Beyonce or the Nude Photographers, do they? That frees up all the copyright enforcers to keep an eye on my work around the clock. Shouldn't they be able to protect my work a little better under these conditions? What's going on now? Looks to me like the stars have had a ten-year-long party with my music and comedy, which threw me in a deep hole, and now they get to stand over the opening and step on my head every time I try to climb out and rise to my feet. Hooray for money. Well, I guess I'll leave you to have your behavioral strings pulled by a bunch of evil corporate tyrants now, but I might add one more thing before I leave to do some more work on my poetry illustrations. As bitterly as I complain about the evils of capitalism, communism is worse. Those fuckers don't even let you complain when they tyrannize you. And they force their people to reject God. 5:05pm: I am in so much f-g pain. I am in agony. How are the Rolling Stones? They were stars before I even got out of my mother's womb and they've been the illegal stars of my music for the last ten years. And I'm in my fifties and I have to cut back on the pleasures of my life, like cigarette smoking, because I'm getting too old. But how have they been for the last ten years with my music? Did Keith still get his share of knickers with my music? And how is their friend Goldie Hawn? How does everyone like her trying to make us think she can still bear a child in her seventies? But me, I never even wanted to be fifty. And now I'm fifty-one and people like Mick Jagger and Leonard Cohen got to enjoy all the best years of my life - plus their own. I'm sorry if I hurt any fans by referring to a crowd of transparently imitating conformists. I'm in pain. I've had to listen to these strangers imitate everything I pour out of my heart for the last ten years when they're with each other as they shun me. After ten years, I guess I just can't take it anymore without lashing out like a wounded animal. But I was an imitating ass when I was young and there might still be some very promising people in this latest generation. So I apologize if I hurt anyone. And I must confess that I'm even imitating La Rochefoucald a bit, myself, by applying his theory to their behavior. Of course, all my maxims have been consumed by fraud stars like George Carlin and Jay Leno, haven't they? That leaves me no choice but to copy La Rochefoucauld now. And while this information may provoke a laugh, it is actually quite depressing to be able to confirm it from experience. So I'm in pain. I'm in terrible pain as I do without my cigarettes and try to control my mood in the face of so much brutal crime with my posts. And I'm hypersensitive to the unpleasant conditions of my torture chamber now, to top it all off. Try to view my comments in context when I flip out. And try to see my point rather than just my style. Thank you to whomever said I was intelligent, but I'm not writing this to show off, I'm doing it to make a point. I make good points in my blogs: schools do destroy the individual personalities of their students, the work ethic does subtly discriminate against the poor and unemployed, and we must try to sustain noble concepts like compassion even if they are largely out of our reach, etc, etc. I just thought of another one this afternoon, while in my throes over not being able to find a lawyer to win me fair compensation from super rich violators of my work as I am publicly flayed alive by crime: we always want to take credit for everything. Like we say we won World War Two when we weren't even born yet. And we say we won the hockey game when we're not even on the team. And we only take credit for the good things and pass the bad things on to the source. If we're talking about the Romans, for example, we might say that we invented roads and aqueducts but the Romans practiced crucifixion and engaged in bloody arena sports. Yes and we conquered the whole known world and established Christianity as a global religion but then it got weak and we had to invade it from the other side as barbarians and smash it to pieces to give us the rudiments of modern Europe. And Christ gave us cannons by supplying us with iron bells that we could fill with stones and gunpowder. That's the original source of the term canon law. But I digress. I'm going to try to take some time off. I'm really in a lot of pain. I'm not sure what's happening to my body, but maybe it's some weird side effect from being off the nicotine. My lungs ache and my throat is sore and I'm a nervous wreck. Unlike these comedians, I didn't share my posts to make people laugh or anything. I shared them out of a real need to alleviate my pain and to communicate my point. Now it sounds like someone is still using them as stand-up comedy material and I'm at my wit's end over how to deal with it. I wish I'd never made people so happy by crying out in pain when I'm bleeding to death from online abuse. I wish I wasn't so funny when I'm in terrible pain. And I wish stars weren't such selfish, unfeeling monsters.
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