Custom Made Euphoria

Into the start of my third weedless week. I'm surprised to be so free of my formerly overpowering cravings. I guess my addiction wasn't as strong as I thought it was. I'm lucky to have avoided smoking marijuana, too. I almost broke down on Saturday, but luckily my dealer appears to have moved to another location. I used to mix tobacco with my marijuana, so I better just stick to eating it if I want to use it. Even though I've only been weedless for two weeks, I feel a marked improvement in my health. My lungs are working well, sucking in more oxygen than ever, and I am loaded with physical energy. It's odd to feel better as I age - oddly pleasant. I was concerned about losing my powers of concentration, but now I use my music and art, as well as reading, to help fill the gaps in my daily routine left behind by abandoning my habit. Above all, I feel very clean. I feel immaculate. I'm turning into the person that none of those foolish frauds could imagine ten years ago when they ganged up on me to steal all my popular things and tear them to pieces among themselves. They thought I was a weakling who would quickly die from their criminal abuse. I'm doing away with my opening notice about this blog being 'faith based' and just letting my readers pass their own judgement about its content. I'm tired of having to re-paste it at the top each time I add a new post. I've been discussing the importance of introspection throughout this blog and I would like to elaborate more on it with something I stumbled on while talking to myself in my room last night. I see a solid connection between being moral, being introspective, and finding the Kingdom of God. The connection between moral behavior and self awareness is obvious when comparing ourselves to animals. Animals sense no right or wrong in their behavior because they are not self aware. They exist, simply and purely, to satisfy their basic physical needs. In this capacity animals may cry, but they are incapable of laughter. (Never mind about the hyenas. That was a joke.) What is laughter? It is a kind of ecstasy exclusively available to self aware humans. Now, why did Christ instruct us to examine ourselves and correct our faults? He did so because the Kingdom of God is within us; it is within each one of us. The ecstasy of God's Kingdom is made complete by being fashioned from each individual's heart. Think about it, heaven wouldn't be heaven if you had to share it with others as we must share this world. Indeed, did not even Sartre say that hell is other people? The Kingdom of God is within you and it is up to you to stay true to yourself, in order to keep your path open to it. You must admit your faults to yourself when you detect them and you must avoid deceiving yourself. The greater your self-deception, the more you separate yourself from the Kingdom of God. Those music frauds, for instance, obviously didn't dare examine themselves too closely when they passed themselves off to the world as the authors of my work. Had I not intervened, perhaps they would have dragged you into their evil abyss with them. Self examination is the key to finding happiness. We are made happy by getting what we want, and we can only know what we want by self examination. Looking for happiness in the example of the person next to you is pure folly. (So agrees La Rochefoucauld.) Besides being a different person with differing wants, the person next to you may only look happy. We do struggle to appear happier than our fellows, with no real reward to our hearts. I have noticed that wealthy stars are the most miserable people on the planet. Perhaps they once thought that stardom would make them happy, but our hearts usually have much simpler wants which are difficult to pinpoint. Happiness does not always produce a smile in its beneficiary either. Sometimes I am happy to shout and curse. Horror fans gain pleasure from being frightened, as do romance fans tend to enjoy a good, old fashioned 'tear jerker'. It is hard to locate your precise wants, but it is a task well worth trying. Along the way you may at least eliminate false wants from your life. The Kingdom of God is waiting to give you the things you've been pining for all your life here - as long as you try to be good. Even if you never learn what they are, God knows. My father used to call me Brian. It gave him and my mother pleasure to converse about their children and grandchildren, except when they had to remember me. To the end of his life, my father wanted me to be successful. Do you know what my father's last utterance was before he died? Brian! This materialistic culture is anything but moral. The kind of people in broadcasting who supported so much spiritually poisonous fraud with my good work would happily consign you to eternal damnation just to make a few extra dollars for themselves. I would completely avoid them until they at least admit their fault in this crime. To do otherwise would only subject your soul to further risk.
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